Not long ago I attended a surprise birthday party for my friend JoAnna Cox (no relation).  Mike Siem and I went to Kroger just minutes before kickoff to pick up a present of some sort.  Nieman Marcus closed at 8, what could we do?
 I picked out a box of modeling clay and an awesome book: Shake-A-Leg, featuring trademarked Sesame Street characters, that anyone would've been envious of.  Anyhow, on the way out, I picked up some of the "FREE!! TAKE ONE!" magazines to garnish the gift with.  I got Houses for Rent, Better Homes, FunEd (yeah, right.) and The Fort Worth Singles Guide.  The FW Singles Guide proved to be more enjoyable than anything else.  After the initial party festivities, Mike and I read over the ads.  We soon recognized key phrases to avoid:
  "Queen-sized Woman"
  "Womanly Sized"
There was even one that said, "Looking for a man who's more interested in my mind than how my body looks."  But she's got a great personality!!!...
     Another area of interest was the classification indexes.  One of the more amusing indexes was "DF/D", which meant "drug-free and/or disease-free".  Really?  Let's focus on this "and/or" bit.  Does that mean that you could be a syphilitic leper but not smoke and be able to use this classification?  It could be that Mary really has Gonorrhea, but because she abstains from crack, she can use this classification under the "or" assumption.  Now here's the kicker--not ONE ad in the whole magazine, not one solitary ad used this index.  Since one only has to fulfill HALF of the requirements to be "DF/D" (because of the and/or clause), we can therefore infer that everyone in that magazine had a disease AND did some kind of drugs.  Mike and I found this beyond laughable applause.